Forgiveness: not as simple as it seems

When I was in the 6th grade, my parents got a divorce.  By January of my 8th grade year, my father was no longer in my life.  Throughout the divorce and the process of basically grieving the "loss" of my father, my mom always tried to teach me to forgive.  She would listen to me and my little sisters cry, and sometimes she would cry with us.  But if any of us ever said that we hated our dad, my mom would turn to us, look us straight in the eye and say "It's okay to forgive him".

I never really understood what this meant.  I was 12 at the time, and the word "forgive" almost directly translated to "okay" in my mind.  And in my mind, what my father had done was unforgivable.  Despite my constant denial to "forgive" my mom always tried to push me in that direction.

Poppop would always tell me, "It's too much energy to hate people, to be mad at people."  And that really got me thinking...  How much energy was I using up hating someone that wasn't even a part of my life anymore?  Why is it that I couldn't just let go?

One night while having a discussion with my mom, she turned to me and said "Jessica, forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for you."  She then explained to me how saying you forgive someone, doesn't mean that what they have done is okay.  It simply means that you aren't going to waste your precious time and energy dwelling over it anymore.  

Since our little "family breakthrough" there is one song that never fails to make me teary-eyed.  It always makes me think of my mom.  The song is "I'm Moving On" by Rascal Flatts. This song is one that I just blast and sing at the top of my lungs at the end of a stressful day.  One of my favorite lines is "There comes a time in everyone's life where all you can see are the years passing by, and I have made up my mind that those days are gone".  This song is just our little reminder that moving on is a good thing. Forgiveness is healthy.  It's not for the other person,,, it's for you.  

You don't deserve to carry that anger and hatred around with you anymore.  I challenge you to listen to this song, and really listen to the lyrics.  Let go of your anger, and let yourself be overcome with the peace of knowing everything is going to be okay.  Don't be scared.  Do it. Let go. It's one of the best lessons I've ever learned.